Lately I’ve been considering changing my job title from Divorce Coach to Divorce-or-Not Coach. Because the truth is, I absolutely do not advocate divorce. I advocate divorcing well. What’s more, I’m equally committed to helping people avoid divorce.
The decision to initiate divorce is one people often make without knowing exactly what they’re getting into. When you talk with someone who understands the landscape of divorce and all that’s on the line, as well as the ripple effects that are about to be activated, you get a clearer picture of the journey that lies ahead. The understanding that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side of the fence can give you fresh motivation to rescue your marriage.
As a divorce-or-not coach, l provide the support necessary for you to examine the alternatives to divorce and – if possible – give your marriage one more solid try.
Here are some questions I may ask you:
• What are the core issues in your marriage?
• What resources do you need in order for your life to be better?
• What do you need from your spouse?
• What does your spouse need from you?
• Where is the communication in your marriage breaking down?
• Who will hold you accountable to working on your goals?
• When things get tough (and they will), who will pull you back into the work?
• What’s your contribution to the collapse of your marriage? Truly, do you know?
When a marriage is in trouble, it may seem counterintuitive to hire a divorce coach. But it’s actually a great place to start. Rescuing a marriage takes effort, it takes courage, and most of all, it takes support.
Remember, working to save your marriage is never wasted time or effort. The insight and knowledge you gain will serve you well in your marriage, or, as the case may be, in your divorce, your life after divorce and in your new relationships. In the process, you’ll discover what you need, what you have to offer, and what you’re willing to give. In other words, who you really are.