While we are going through divorce we discover that our post divorce life begins to take life. We realize this on a gradual basis then the reality hits. Our new normal life begins to unfold. I found it to be a very lonely time. Alone – best describes how I felt while I was making my transition towards post-divorce.
- I went miles out of my way to not go into the local market; I dreaded school functions, and summer time activities I used to love. All because I felt as though I didn’t belong in Married Land any more.
- The weekends seemed weeks long. I remember just sitting at my desk asking myself “what are you going to do”? The kids fortunately, had activities to attend or friends to hang out with. I though, hesitated reaching out to friends because they were with their intact families – Right?
- A friend suggested I recite a poem that was intended to give strength and perspective. I can only remember the first line “I feel safe and secure”. With tears I told her but I don’t feel safe and secure this poem is NEVER going to work. In the trash it went.
- While I was married my husband was home very little, he traveled three to four nights a week and if he was in town he was working. I knew how to be a single parent; yet, I was shocked how being technically single was extremely more difficult. Parenting two teenage boys became immensely more challenging. I felt so alone.
- Strangely when the kids would go to their dad’s for the weekend, I was relieved. I felt at peace and relieved to be alone. Those were my least lonely moments.
Eventually, I no longer felt alone, I began to accept the new ‘normal” life that was mine as a divorced mother of three. Acceptance led to appreciation and growth. I discovered that I could be me again, the me I wanted to be not the woman who was trying to be what might make her marriage work. I realized that not everyone was married, I was actually safe and secure, and I enjoyed the day-to-day parenting without a Monday quarterback’s opinion to consider.
Divorce is hard, and the process is far from easy. But we all make it through and find our new normal.