Finding the New Normal – While Transitioning from Divorcing to Divorced

While we are going through divorce we discover that our post divorce life begins to take life.  We realize this on a gradual basis then the reality hits.  Our new normal life begins to unfold.  I found it to be a very lonely time.  Alone – best describes how I felt while I was making my transition towards post-divorce.

  • I went miles out of my way to not go into the local market; I dreaded school functions, and summer time activities I used to love.  All because I felt as though I didn’t belong in Married Land any more.
  • The weekends seemed weeks long.  I remember just sitting at my desk asking myself “what are you going to do”?  The kids fortunately, had activities to attend or friends to hang out with.  I though, hesitated reaching out to friends because they were with their intact families – Right?
  • A friend suggested I recite a poem that was intended to give strength and perspective.  I can only remember the first line “I feel safe and secure”. With tears I told her but I don’t feel safe and secure this poem is NEVER going to work.  In the trash it went.
  • While I was married my husband was home very little, he traveled three to four nights a week and if he was in town he was working.  I knew how to be a single parent; yet, I was shocked how being technically single was extremely more difficult.  Parenting two teenage boys became immensely more challenging.  I felt so alone.
  • Strangely when the kids would go to their dad’s for the weekend, I was relieved.  I felt at peace and relieved to be alone.  Those were my least lonely moments.

Eventually, I no longer felt alone, I began to accept the new ‘normal” life that was mine as a divorced mother of three.  Acceptance led to appreciation and growth.  I discovered that I could be me again, the me I wanted to be not the woman who was trying to be what might make her marriage work.  I realized that not everyone was married, I was actually safe and secure, and I enjoyed the day-to-day parenting without a Monday quarterback’s opinion to consider.

Divorce is hard, and the process is far from easy.  But we all make it through and find our new normal.

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