Wow, divorce is hard! We sense the challenges when we see others deal with their divorce, but not until we find ourselves in it do we completely understand the complexities.
The unpleasant but very present realities of divorce can hit you hard. Yet, does learning that these topics are “normal” – something those before you and those currently in your situation are also confronted with – help on some level? Perhaps it is our subconscious that protects us from grasping the true harshness of others’ divorce situations.
Here are my top three surprisingly hard and true surprising realities within the norm of divorce:
- You can be blindsided. Years before I was blindsided by my own divorce, I remember a friend and I being puzzled by a mutual acquaintance saying “I was completely blindside, I NEVER saw this coming.” We were baffled as to how this could be true. Then, a few years later my friend told me her husband wanted a divorce. Second sentence: “Remember when Sally, said she was blindsided, and were thought she was out to lunch? I get it now. Deb I am completely blindsided.” Fast forward a few years and I say “Ooh this stinks, yep blindsiding happens.” Only after the fact are we able to see the flags that were flying in front of us the whole time.
- It is a long, slow and frustrating process. Your experience may be slower, longer and more frustrating… or it could be less so. Either way, when it is your divorce you can’t believe how slow the legal process is. The good news is that the pace of the legal system gives us time to transition through the emotions of divorce. The bad news is the turtle like pace can enable us to become stuck.
- You will be exhausted. The paper work, the emotions, the thinking, planning is all exhausting. Logistically things are more complicated. My therapist told me I was going to be extremely busy – I thought she was crazy. How could that be? I just needed to deal emotionally, right? I was so wrong.
What in this list rings true for you?
What caught you by surprise?
How will you support a friend that faces divorce differently then you did before your own divorce experience?